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One crazy week in London – by island resident Chris

I thought it was a good sign getting upgraded to first class on the flight to London with my Thai girlfriend Nat, ok it was only Pakistan airlines but hey, of course Nat thought I was a bit of a twat when I over did it at the free food & drinks lounge, large JD and cokes, tiny triangles of smoked salmon sandwiches, big flat screen TV, huge sofas, great start and she didn’t get it when we got off the bus to the plane and I pointed to the crowded staircase onto the plane saying that will be the pleb class, this empty set will be ours, even when the steward came running down the stairs to stop us was great, I pulled out our boarding pass with gold embossed first class on it and he backed away bowing saying this way sir, well not exactly but it felt like it.

london 1The next day doing a bit of shopping in Sainsbury’s Nat starts crying, I put my arm around her,  did I do something wrong, she said no. I took her to see the sights, Buck house, tower bridge, changing the guards, nelsons column the whole nine yards! taking photos of her on buses in a London in a phone box the old style one, you know it, little windows, phone not working stinking of p**s, Nat didn’t smile much, I shrugged it off thinking maybe it’s all a bit over whelming for her. I took her out to see a couple of mates in a pub and thought it went well.

The madness started the next morning I got home from the pub. I was woken up by a constant banging on my front door I had a huge hangover, Nat was not in bed, I opened the door to find two police standing there with Nat in the middle. one copper says “do you know this woman?”, of course it’s my girlfriend, so all four of us in the kitchen, I say “what happened?” turns out in the morning she just went out, no jacket no no boots, just flipflops and a thin silk dress she’s shaking with cold, wellpolice it was February, cold as hell, then the copper who did look a bit oriental says “did you hit her?”,what?  Of course not. The copper, still on the same tact, said, “you are twice her size”, sorry mate what are you saying I have never hit her, plod says it does happen. NOT WITH ME. I ask her in my mixed Thai/English have i ever hit you, same copper says I speak Thai, go on then ask her, he don’t/can’t God knows, they say they will call an ambulance as she might have hypothermia. ok fine good idea ambulance arrives cops leave I get into van with Nat the nurses ask her some questions, she ain’t got a clue what they are asking I help a bit telling them she has diabetes, they do blood test, get to hospital put some drip in her arm, check a few things tell me it all ok she can go home, she pulls the drip out blood spurts out, nurse runs over with cotton wool and a bandage, all good off we go.

Some time later I called to Nat, no answer, I go down stairs to find the front door wide open, I look over the balcony and see her jacket in the middle of the road, so I go and see what’s going on, Nat is standing over a hot vent with steam coming out on the side of some ones house, she’s shivering with cold dressed same as before flipflops thin silk dress. What the hell Nat, I try to take her home she clings to the vent won’t let go, I london 3pull both her hands away hanging on tightly to her, she’s trying to pull away I drag her to a phone box, who do I call police/ambulance/nut house/ ghost busters, I call an ambulance half in the phone box half out trying to call and also not letting Nat go, they say 30 minutes. So there we are I’ve trapped her in phone box freezing cold. Cavalry arrive, same questions as before, get to St Mary’s hospital this time in Praed Street, where i was born before it was a hangout for the cheapest dirtiest whores ever, anyway she’s in can stay the night she’s content, I go home.

So next day I go to the hospital, I bring boots jacket jeans, i see her in bed, she won’t look at me or talk to me. I talk to the doctor, who reckons she sound physically but a bit unstable mentally, he also says she can’t stay I have to take her home. I asked the doctor if he can come down to the entrance with us as she don’t want to go just with me, we get just outside the hospital, she sits on the pavement, it as cold as ice, I pick her up off the floor by her lapels, push her against the wall, please don’t do this to me Nat what the hell are you playing at. Now I can’t physically drag her home its 3 miles and all she wants to do is get away from me, can’t leave her here, I look across the street and see two girls looking at us, I shout can you called the police, “we already have” great now they think I’ve assaulted her. The police come do the usual thing, one takes me to the front of the van other takes Nat to the back, good luck with her I’m thinking you’d get more sense out of a pencil.

My copper says what’s going on, I’m trying to tell him she’s Thai something has upset her and she doesn’t want to be with me. He says two girls say I’ve attacked her. listen whatever, do what you thinks right. Maybe you’ll be locked up for the night, fantastic I say putting my wrists together, a night in a cell away from that nutter. In the end she gets taken back to the hospital, handy its right there, she gets another night, I am told to go home. In the morning I woke up early, deciding that it was time to end this madness, I would take Nat to the airport and she could fly thai airwayshome, I couldn’t use the return air ticket as it was to short notice. So I went to a few travel agencies, none would go today, I needed a lot more money than I had as I decided to go straight to Thai airways main office, this was going to be expensive, they don’t do cut price tickets, not having enough cash I phoned my mate who works in a courier company, can you lend me 250 pounds but I need it right now, he got one of his motor bike riders to bring his bank card to me, having told me his pin number, within 20 minutes it arrived, put the card in to atm put in number nothing, tried again, machine says wrong pin, now I know I can’t put it in again as 3 times with the wrong number and it will eat the card, what the hell? So I call my mate again, are you sure the pins right, can you check it again, he tells me call back in 20 minutes he will check with his girlfriend. I call him again, he gives me new number, it works panic over. I then get to Thai office with Nat’s passport, ask the girl if I can get a ticket for today, you can but it costs 450 pounds, you should go to this place in west London. I explain that I’ve had a really bad day, I can’t be bothered, just give me the 450 one. This girl seems to get that I’m pis**d off, she calls the west London office anyway, speaks to this guy she knows, he can not only get a ticket for250 pounds but he can also get it sent to Heathrow for a 8pm flight ,a very nice thing for her to do seeing as she works for Thai airways.

I go home pack all Nat’s things in her case, get to hospital tell Nat that I’m taking her to airport, we have 6 hours but I can’t risk the train, she might freak out, get taxi from hospital to Heathrow, she sits as far away from me as she can. We arrive,  we still have 4 hours we sit down she then gets up starts to wonder around, I’m scared to stop her, I just watch her making sure she don’t go too far.

I ask her does she wants to eat, no answer, I nip up stairs get her burger chips and a coke, put it on the table beside her she pushes it on the floor, courier arrives with ticket, I go to the desk with Nat, her head swinging from side to side like Stevie wonder a slight manic look in her eye,London 4 Thai air girl says is she ok, I say yeah yeah fine she’s just a little home sick, I can’t say no she’s fu**ing nuts can I, they wouldn’t let her fly.

90 minutes to go I put 100 pounds Thai money in her pocket, ask the Thai girl at the desk could she take care of her as we have had a row and we are not speaking, and could she get one of those electric buggies to take her to the departure gate, as she don’t speak much English, sure no problem, I turn to Nat to say goodbye, she true to form blanks me and turns her head away. I get on the underground train, go home 4 quid a bit different from the 45 quid to get there.  So that was that, the next day I brought the girl in Thai office a big bunch of flowers. Went home back to normal, what a crazy week.

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