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THE REAL THAIWAY CODE AS OBSERVED BY PETER SNELSON.

THE REAL THAIWAY CODE AS OBSERVED BY

PETER SNELSON.

  1. A motorbike will be considered seriously undermanned unless the whole family are on board. Failure to comply could result in imprisonment.
  2. Small children should be put by the handlebars in the front… to cushion the blow to the adult in the event of the expected crash during the cyclist’s lifetime on the road.
  3. Undertaking although considered suicidal is permitted on the proviso that it is understood that overtaking does not involve mounting the vehicle in front to drive over it.
  4. Scientific research shows that pollution on the island in the middle of the sea is more likely to kill you than a head on motorbike crash. It is therefore compulsory to wear a facemask when riding a motorbike, helmets are less likely to prolong your life.
  5. Riding in the middle of the lane is compulsory.
  6. When being overtaken: edging out even further to the middle to cause the overtaking vehicle a possible head on collision is considered good road etiquette.
  7. Indicators must be flashing at all times during the journey.
  8. In conditions of severe congestion and danger, riding the wrong way against the oncoming traffic on the pavement is an acceptable solution to get home quicker.
  9. Riding sidesaddle as a passenger is considered cool even though half fall off should the driver take an unexpected right hand turn.
  10. Look thick at all times.
  11. To avert serious grazing WHEN your crash happens flip flops have been proven to offer the best protection to the feet.
  12. Traffic lights are for decoration to make the highway look pretty.
  13. Mirrors are for checking for any facial irregularities.
  14. You must always answer the phone when riding.
  15. Headlights drain batteries so best not used.
  16. Never stop at junctions, always pull straight out looking directly ahead.

Cars.

  1. Drive 2 inches behind the car in front.
  2. Overtake around bends.
  3. Roundabouts. When on one, stop at every junction to allow more cars on to do the same thus causing a satisfactory gridlock out of nothing.
  4. Road markings are sponsored by Bangkok hospital.
  5. Accelerate when a car is in the middle of overtaking you.
  6. Drive as fast as you can towards a suspension crunching pot hole and swerve at the last minute to watch the cars tyres behind you (two inches) get a severe shredding.
  7. Traffic lights are for decoration to make the highway look pretty.
  8. Drive at 6KMp/h or 60KM p/h. Nothing in between.
  9. Its OK to stop suddenly without indication in the middle of the road for a chat.
  10. If there is a huge space to pull over into when unloading it is an offence to use it.
  11. A van is not considered dangerously overloaded unless sparks can be seen coming off the rear axle when in motion.
  12. If a vehicle is signaling right be sure to allow yourself no room to maneuver around it by tailgating at two inches.
  13. Smile when driving in the wrong direction but stopping in the middle of such a procedure is considered irresponsible.
  14. Coaches have to overtake on two lane highways four at a time.
  15. Just before your standard ‘head on’, flash your lights, steering is for novices.
  16. Careering off the fast lane into trees planted in the central reservation is easier than using the brakes.
  17. Using the roof as an alternative brake to stop on motorways central reservations is effective.
  18. Seatbelts are to help steady you when leaving the vehicle.
  19. Headlights are for multicolored lightshows.
  20. Taxis can do what they want.

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